love languages

i cannot say "i love you"

giving you those words

is a runaway train

that will leave me bleeding 

and wishing for death

i cannot say "i love you"

so i learn to say it

in different languages

in hopes that one of them 

will translate

i love you

te amo

i love you

je vous aime

i love you 

aishiteru

i love you

hold my hand

i love you

i did your laundry

i love you

i saw this and thought of you

i love you 

let me know you made it home safe

i love you

i drove all this way

i love you in pumpkin pie

in banana laffy taffies

in memes and stuck out tongues

in campfires and walks through the woods

in movies and brunch

in cuddles and kisses

in bite marks and bruises

in unanswered texts

in impassable distance

in runaway trains

in crushed hearts

in insurmountable emptiness

i love you

ik houd van je

i love you

tu me manques

i am sad

lonely

exhausted 

betrayed

empty

burnt out. 

from men who are cowards

and liars

and disappointments 

that never meet their potential.

from friends that stab you in the back 

or leave you in the lurch

or just forget you exist.

from people that take 

and don't give back

and feel threatened by others success.

from ghosts

from broken promises

from leaving things unsaid

from missing them.

red lipstick armor

dead eyes behind dark glasses
red lipstick armor
bright smile
shrouding the pain
of the invisible girl
pulled back once more
into the abyss

day 16, letter-writing

all I asked from you was
respect
and truth
my love returned
effort matched
you watched
as I burned
in your lies
shallow derision
you should know
I'm beautiful
I'm whole
I'm deserving
so thank you for letting
me go

day 15, the middle

caught between longing
for beautiful times since past
and anticipating, waiting
to become
will I ever be happy
or loved or complete
or content in the middle
where things stand still

day 11, rejecting the prompt

staring into the pitch black night
nothing but stars
missing my city lights
a simpler existence
a slower pace
fighting a constant longing ache
that can't be shut out
by a change of place
never finding that missing piece

day 10, portrait

animated brown eyes
hint of mania
stiff forced smile
to hide the pain
soft brown hair
a touch of curl
shrill excitement
awkward grace
dancing through
a too-short race